Rebuilding this Wreck

Somewhere inside, there is motivation... Motivation to do things you really don't want to because of the inconvience this action brings. I am forcing myself to become motivated. A genuine lack of energy sits heavy on me. I start off really slow. My movements are akward and clumsy. If I could look into my own eyes, I would be able to see how discontent I am. My heart rate starts to rise. The sweat glands all over my body turn on at once. They aren't flooding, but they are working. It's too early for heavy breathing but for some reason I am. My mind starts moving at three times the speed of time. It's as though I've just begun that slow motion sceen in a dream sequence that isn't going to end for hours... Now each capilary is opening. Heat creeps from the top of my skull slowly throughout my body. I should have turned the air on. I can feel my heart pumping blood at an insane rate now. This is supposed to be good? I feel as though at any moment, I could break down... Running out of gas...I can hear the music slowly building. My heart holds the rythm, my over breathing and weasing carries some of the melody. I'm out of key. I'm out of shape. Maybe that's why I keep pushing on this day one. Soon I hope this feeling will leave because I am so responsibly uncomfortable.